Many experts will suggest that you dump toxic people in your life. I don’t think it’s as simple as that! Here’s why.
There are levels of toxicity.
Think of a continuum: from highly abusive to consistently annoying and many negative levels in between. It’s easy to think that highly abusive people are extremely toxic and annoying people represent a low level of toxicity. Yet, there are shades of negative scenarios in between.
Annoying people have lessons to teach you.
Have you ever found yourself in a group, or a team with your least favorite person? In fact, it’s the person who you secretly didn’t want in your group who potentially annoys you the most. I have discovered that the “supposed” annoying person has the most to teach me about the parts of myself that I most dislike or I would like to disown. In other words, the annoying person is a gift, helping me pay attention to my shadow side.
Is it so simple?
Limit anyone who gives you a yuk feeling in the pit of your stomach and question being with the naysayers and negative nellies.
This is where it gets confusing. Sometimes our unspoken desire is to seek only agreement and confirmation. Yet how does that really help us see other sides if the other person only reinforces our position. I would love to only be surrounded by smiles, positive people who are filled with encouragement.
Here’s a universal truth: in order to experience joy and happiness, we also need to experience their opposites.
Yet, many people including friends, colleagues and family are straight shooters and can come across as negative, pulling down our ideas, thoughts and opinions. They are often giving us their opinion in a confident manner. Although they may seem arrogant, they are helping us to take a deeper look into what we are thinking, feeling and sharing. The challenge is if we take it personally we get stuck. We think that the answer is to avoid that person. In fact, they are helping us to see a different perspective.
Limiting engagement is a good idea, if a person is extremely negative and you feel a yuk feeling in the pit of your stomach. Such a person is most likely not able to consider your point of view, and leaves you continually feel dismissed.
Eradicate highly abusive people from our lives.
As children, we can’t kick out physically, sexually and emotionally abusive people in our lives particularly if they are family members. We endure their abuse until it ends, through some outside intervention or we age out. The internal and external scars live on as we grow up. As adults, it seems obvious that if we are in the grips of a highly abusive parent, partner, friend or boss, we ought to end the relationship. It may not be so easy, particularly if it’s a secret.
Good stuff. Thanks.