Taking things personally is one of the key ways that inhibits our happiness.
How many times do you hear don’t take it personally?
If you belong to the tribe of the “highly sensitive” then this question will be extremely familiar. If you are part of the other 80% of society, then it’s easier for you to not get triggered by criticism, feedback, conflict or conversations that include anger.
Still you don’t have to be highly sensitive to take things personally. A huge part of being human is being triggered by another person’s communication. Their tone of voice, body language, and words send out tons of cues.
We don’t always do a great job at listening to what they have to say because we are unconsciously screening their communication through our own filters. Filters are established through our childhood experiences and beyond. Raging mum’s and dad’s, mean teachers or friends, abusive authority figures, silent homes, and any forms of you’re not good enough.
Our interactions most often go swimmingly when there’s agreement or a compliment. When the communication changes to more disagreeable tone or content, then our filter that hears judgement, criticism, demeaning tones, loud voices and unfettered directness, sets off an alarm which scrambles the message. Our probable next move is to react and get overly defensive or angry with the person.
Are you taking things personally?
How many times have you told yourself “next time it will be different, I won’t take it personally. I won’t get defensive.” And just like ground hog day, you find yourself reacting to your spouse, brother, mum or dad, or your boss.
How do you stop taking things personally?
It takes effort and attention. Sorry there are no quick fixes. You may have tried telling yourself to take some deep breaths, or walk away. Has that worked consistently?
Here’s what works. Put attention onto you and stop focusing on the other person.
Believe me, I know that this is easier said than done. Call it self-care, self-love or self-nurturing. When you are triggered and feel judged in some form by the other person, simply notice. Focus on yourself, rather than jumping to how bad, wrong or inconsiderate the other person is.
If you put the focus on you, you will make progress in not taking things personally.
4 Steps to stop taking things personally.
- Notice that you feel judged.
- Put the focus on you, rather than the other person.
- Feel it in your body.
- Ask yourself: What don’t I want to accept about feeling judged?
If you would like to stop taking things personally, then let’s talk.