We are living in strange times. 

We are ALL affected by the world pandemic. So, I‘m hoping that I can share words of hope and resiliency, as well as being real. 

I’m scared too. 

My feelings fluctuate between feeling anxious, afraid, angry, sad and desperate. 

I’m angry at people who are still getting together and who aren’t taking coronavirus seriously. 

I’m sad for so many people who are losing their livelihoods. How they are going to keep paying rent, mortgages and putting food on their tables for their children? 

My heart goes out to our dedicated first responders and health care workers. 

I’m also very grateful for what I do have. I am safe at home and able to continue working, helping people all over the planet. I’d love to hear how the metaphor of “going down the rabbit hole”, translates into other languages. 

Why talk about the rabbit hole? 

The idea of the rabbit hole arose in a session with a client this past week. I imagine so many people can relate to this metaphor and I’m sure it translates into many languages. 

The rabbit hole is dark. 

It’s a place where there’s no room for discerning what’s fiction or truth. 

It’s like an underground tornado, sweeping you into a frenzy.  

Anxiety rapidly increases. Nervousness and worry turn into a chasm of fear. 

It’s like the wild west or the underworld where any compulsive behaviors that you may have run rampant. 

The rabbit hole can be particularly precarious if you have a type A or addictive personality. 

When you go down the rabbit hole you stop seeing the light which is all around you. 

What can take you down the rabbit hole? 

 – Checking the news every hour or keeping it on in the background while you try to work from home. 

 – Looking at every alert or notification on your phone as it comes in. – Thinking that if you don’t keep informed 24-7, you’ll miss out on some important announcement. 

 – Zoning out by watching TV shows for hours and hours, trying to block out the world. 

 – Allowing the pessimist to take over and feelings of uncertainty have no place to land. 

 – Forgetting that you can find ways to laugh. 

How NOT to go down the rabbit hole 

Acknowledge your feelings 

I can’t stress how important it is to allow yourself to experience the full range of your feelings. Thinking that positive thinking alone will get you through right now, won’t work. Feelings that you bury are still alive and will leak out in all sorts of ways. For example, do you ever find yourself getting angry at someone? Later you realize your anger was not about the person right in front of you. We often take our anger out on those we love. Spouses know this one well. 

When it comes to FEAR : Feel the fear and name it! What is the fear about? Is it that you’ll get sick and die? Are you afraid for your parent or grandparent? Is your job on the line? Is the fear tapping into your worry wart, who’s focusing on every piece of bad news? Are you wondering how you can survive or what society will look like beyond survival mode? 

Whatever negative type of feeling you are experiencing, feel it. Put on a timer for 5 minutes. Get your feelings out by beating up some pillows, crying your heart out, or using a punching bag. After 5 minutes, put the negative feeling away. You can stuff it into a real or imaginary container. Move your body and go to another part of your home. 

Distract yourself with a different activity. Look at a beautiful flower and remind yourself what’s good in the world. You may have to dig down to find one good thing. Right now spring daffodils are blooming. Go outside, and allow yourself to absorb the daffodil’s happy vibe. You could also watch some funny cartoons or animal videos to remind you that humor gives relief. And if you have a pet, pick up your scrumptious animal and breathe in unconditional love. 

Spread Love 

Social distancing sucks! The best way you can give and receive love is to maintain social distance, the 6 foot rule. That’s the way we will reduce the spread of this virulent virus. 

One way to see friends in person is to go for a walk outdoors. I have come back from taking a walk with a dear friend appreciating the sunshine. I was on one side of the road and she was on the other. We did find ourselves having to speak louder than usual. 

My deep yearning especially in times of strife is to hug or kiss those I love who don’t live in my home. I have to put my natural desire for physical touch on the shelf. That’s the way I can do my tiny part in reducing the spread of the coronavirus. 

Join me in the compounding healing affect, if each of us love from a distance and stop in person meetings. 

Here’s some ways to spread love in a safe way and connect with friends and family. 

• Virtual happy hours on zoom, google meeting, skype etc. 
• Join or create a Facebook live sing along Schedule virtual family get togethers. Hey there’s even a great new app called Houseparty. 
• Create a mutual time where people have drinks on their respective apartment balconies. Floor by floor people can connect at a safe distance. 
• One of my clients had a great idea to install a buddy system in large apartment complexes or town houses. Then each resident can check in on each other via the phone or knock on their door. This is a great way to spread love, particularly to your elderly neighbor. 

Set limits or boundaries

It’s so easy to get overwhelmed by the next piece of disturbing news. One way that helps, is to give up social media or at least cut down. By limiting your time on facebook, twitter etc. you lessen the probability of getting lost in untrue stories or quick fixes. Please check out all sources and go to scientific and epidemiological data first. 

CDC  World Health Organization 

Shut off notifications on your phone and feel the difference. 

Restrict news watching to morning and evening. Please don’t have CNN or any other channel going in the background while you work. It will not only raise your cortisol and stress levels, multitasking never works! 

If you’re working from home create a schedule on your calendar like you would in the workplace. Remember to schedule time for exercise, 3-minutes of deep breathing and short stretch breaks. If you have other family members with whom you share the space, do your best to find a private space. Use your guest room, or tidy up some part of the basement. Consider using a portable room divider if you don’t have access to a separate space.  

Put a sign with hours of operation on your work space. Then family members can be clear about your work hours. 

Dress for work 

It’s tempting to work in your PJ’s, top and bottom. 

Don’t. Dressing the part can help you to do the work that you need to do. 

Since many of you will be operating from your desk, no one sees what you are wearing on your bottom half. It’s your choice, consider the new fashion statement! PJ pants with your slippers, and the full professional garb on your top half. 

Gratitude and know this too shall pass 

Yes, there will be a s..t load of hurt, pain and loss along the way. Ultimately, the virus will burn itself out as similar pandemics always have in the past. 

Take a look around and notice what you are grateful for. Name your gratitude and write down the statements. It’s amazing how you can lose yourself in any of the faces of fear. If you have a visual posting of what you are grateful for right in front of you, you can shift perspective. 

With love, Alyse

P.S. What other similar metaphors are operating for you? 

P.S.S. If I can be of help in dealing with this unprecedented crisis, please reach out. I would love to share my gifts. Know that our conversation is confidential.